I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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