If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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