im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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