I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
