what day is it and did you see me today?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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