I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
