Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Green mimosas i think yes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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