Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
