my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
