Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
