I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
