It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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