i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
