...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
did i just pee glitter
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You ruined the universe
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
