Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
