I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
being pregnant is like rehab
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
