So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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