omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i think im in europe. pls send help
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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