she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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