Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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