this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
