New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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