this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
