maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
