I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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