Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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