I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
