so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
