I am in a vortex of obligation.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
