I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
