Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
