Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
