you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
