if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
