all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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