I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
