my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
