this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
