Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
