He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
