just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
