an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
