right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
