Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
