So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
