so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
