i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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