Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
