hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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