...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
