It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
