Tell her she can't have a vagina
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
