a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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