in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
