some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You left your underwear on the fireplace
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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