the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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