Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's always time for handjobs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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