You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
