So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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