my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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