We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
