If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
