I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
