she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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