I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
