Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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