yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
