I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
