vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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