is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
