I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
