Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize