Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
