i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
